When you lose your grip on “getting a grip”
When “it could be worse” becomes your mantra.
When you no longer feel excitement or sadness - all you can see is the next thing to deal with.
When you feel dead on your feet, but keep pushing through.
Know that feeling? This is for people battling on, feeling like every day is a fight, struggling with getting up in the morning, putting that brave face on and smashing out another day without the energy. Physically, you feel awful, you’re exhausted inside, and if you hear the word ‘resilient’ again you may scream.
Are you telling yourself you need to get a grip, whilst you are in in a situation that is extremely challenging? Does your ability to cope with everything come to bite you in the bum sometimes? Sure, maybe you do need to get a grip, yes things could be worse, but right now it ISN’T.
You do not have to keep going. Pausing and regrouping is ok.
Try this – see if it helps you:
Make a list of the challenging life events you’ve experienced personally, in work, in family life – anywhere! - over the last few years in an objective “timeline” by date and event. Are you surprised seeing it all back?
Think about what you gained or lost as a result of these experiences, or what does it say about you, the situation, or other people? Was it a tough time? How were you coping?
Imagine you were someone else watching you go through this. What would you say? Would you be critical and say keep going, or would you say “that’s a lot you’ve been coping with!”?
Feeling this way does not make you a weak, incapable or pathetic person. It makes you a human person coping brilliantly. What if your reaction to all of this is… normal and healthy!?
Sometimes letting something you are carrying come to the surface can help. Then each day feels LESS like a battle, struggle and allows you to take each step a little bit lighter because your mind, spirit and body aren’t fuzzing with the static of the stress.
If you feel like this and you are ready to talk, I’m here to listen and support you.
The inspiration for this came from working with tough-cookie NHS staff, who have the resilience of a furious rhino and the softest heart you can imagine - and this is pre-pandemic! These were people who can keep taking what life throws at them and get up and smile, drawing deeply on their inner resources. Once they had let some of the pressure out in sessions with me, they could return to what they did best, relieved and replenished (their words). I think other people can relate to this too.
